ENGLISH EXAMINATION

Akpors writing an exams 1. many are called..... Ans buh only few people have credit to call back. 2. convert i kill someone 2 future tense Ans you will go to jail 3. who was judas in the bible?why? Ans a farmer n a vegetarian because judas eats carrot 4. define racism? Ans is when u select ur white clothes to wash first before blacks. 5. Wat is discrimination. Ans: it is wen u hug gals wit big boobs nd shake hands of gals wit small boobs

LATEST ON FACEBOOK

Latest on fb - You wan use straw drink hot pap... #hospital go be ur new home . - You are above 30 and Davido is ur mentor... #u need serious deliverance. - You kneel down becoz u wan greet person for phone... #are u a learner?? - You carry screw driver go bank becoz u wan open account...#whyu no carry hammer join?? - You hate azonto but u luv alingo... #u must be an alien. - It took me an hour to compose a music 4 u, you con reply with "k"... #E be like say network no dey ur head. - You run go baff, wear ur finest dress, do make up, come spray perfume join am, on top say u wan skype... #God bless ur hustle. - You went to bed with a ruler just to know how long you slept... #Akpors na ur mentor??? - You no get shishi for account, u dey sing "Chop mai money" instead of "Mercies of the Lord"... #dats faith. - You wan do HIV TEST, u come dey find past questions... #U don dey madt abi? - China fone alarm no fit wake u up... #ur matter don go beyond physical.

ENGLISH MADE IN NIGERIA

MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH. *Abeg dress back. *If I hear pim, u go hear weeen. *Have they BROUGHT light? *The FILM is SWEET *Pls help me SLOW that fan *Mummy HAVE come *I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU *Have you paid your school fees money? *See as you BAFF up *Put the bread inside LYLON *I strong KAKARAKA *Oya come and be going *I KUKUMA don't have your time *Shebi you have BB charger *See how her eye is entering my food *Did you see the sound ofmy ringtone? *I know you have come since bcoz I hear your perfume

SOMETHING ABOUT ME

NAME: CLEMIZY DATE OF BIRTH: 21st SEPTEMBER GENDER: Male HOBBIES: - Collecting teeth from a live tiger, - Catching bullets with bare hands, - Assassination, - Jogging up & down Mount Everest & - Collecting rock particles from the moon MY RECORD: - Fought with an elephant and broke its neck. - Skinned a crocodile alive. - Played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded clip and survived. - Killed Superman. - Held my breath under water for 2 months, 3 weeks, 6 hours, 51 minutes, 45 seconds! - Assassinated Adolf Hitler, John F. Kennedy, Tupac, B.I.G (the list is too long). GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: - Surfed on hot lava while the volcano was still erupting - Outran a cheetah. - Fluent in 10,598 languages. - Killed twitter bird.. - First man to land on the sun. - Carried the pyramid of Giza for 2 days straight! SILLY THING DONE: - Surfing on a tsunami and hurricane Katrina. - Snow boarding on Mount Everest. - Sky diving from outer space. EMBARRASSING MOMENT: - Couldn't kill 100 bears with a single. Only 99 died instantly d last one was taken to d hospital cus it sustained serious injury. SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I don't like to brag.

ONCE A VILLAGE GIRL ALWAYS A VILLAGE GIRL

A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so horny one day that he decided to try the maid who had just come from Nsukka village and who seemed clever. ... He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, he pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived. Husband: Do you know what this is? Maid: (actin Shy) Yes Husband: Do you know what it s for? Maid:Yes Husband: show me. The maid immediately dropped to her knees held the item with both hands drew closer and opened her mouth. The husband was shivering with anticipation . The maid then began,"My name is Sandra , I'm 23 years old and I'm from Nsukka, Enugu . I would like to make a shout-out to my parents, my uncle chidi in owerri and aunt ngozi I would also like to tell my boyfriend Johnny that I miss him. Can u play me Ashawo by Flavour Nabania?" Then finally says to the man,"Oga, take your microphone I'm through...