ENGLISH MADE IN NIGERIA

MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH. *Abeg dress back. *If I hear pim, u go hear weeen. *Have they BROUGHT light? *The FILM is SWEET *Pls help me SLOW that fan *Mummy HAVE come *I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU *Have you paid your school fees money? *See as you BAFF up *Put the bread inside LYLON *I strong KAKARAKA *Oya come and be going *I KUKUMA don't have your time *Shebi you have BB charger *See how her eye is entering my food *Did you see the sound ofmy ringtone? *I know you have come since bcoz I hear your perfume

SOMETHING ABOUT ME

NAME: CLEMIZY DATE OF BIRTH: 21st SEPTEMBER GENDER: Male HOBBIES: - Collecting teeth from a live tiger, - Catching bullets with bare hands, - Assassination, - Jogging up & down Mount Everest & - Collecting rock particles from the moon MY RECORD: - Fought with an elephant and broke its neck. - Skinned a crocodile alive. - Played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded clip and survived. - Killed Superman. - Held my breath under water for 2 months, 3 weeks, 6 hours, 51 minutes, 45 seconds! - Assassinated Adolf Hitler, John F. Kennedy, Tupac, B.I.G (the list is too long). GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: - Surfed on hot lava while the volcano was still erupting - Outran a cheetah. - Fluent in 10,598 languages. - Killed twitter bird.. - First man to land on the sun. - Carried the pyramid of Giza for 2 days straight! SILLY THING DONE: - Surfing on a tsunami and hurricane Katrina. - Snow boarding on Mount Everest. - Sky diving from outer space. EMBARRASSING MOMENT: - Couldn't kill 100 bears with a single. Only 99 died instantly d last one was taken to d hospital cus it sustained serious injury. SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I don't like to brag.

ONCE A VILLAGE GIRL ALWAYS A VILLAGE GIRL

A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so horny one day that he decided to try the maid who had just come from Nsukka village and who seemed clever. ... He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, he pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived. Husband: Do you know what this is? Maid: (actin Shy) Yes Husband: Do you know what it s for? Maid:Yes Husband: show me. The maid immediately dropped to her knees held the item with both hands drew closer and opened her mouth. The husband was shivering with anticipation . The maid then began,"My name is Sandra , I'm 23 years old and I'm from Nsukka, Enugu . I would like to make a shout-out to my parents, my uncle chidi in owerri and aunt ngozi I would also like to tell my boyfriend Johnny that I miss him. Can u play me Ashawo by Flavour Nabania?" Then finally says to the man,"Oga, take your microphone I'm through...

AKPORS DICTIONARY

AKPORS DICTIONARY DEFINITION -Stupidity is when a man sleeps with c0untless Ladies with0ut c0nd0ms but still carries his 0wn clipper tothe barber’s sh0p . -RACISM is when a white BB Bold 6 cost more than a black BBBold 6. -NEMESIS is when you submit your answer sheet with your expo inside. -A WITCH is that girl that eats nkwobi, fish pepper soup, shawama, suya, chicken, smirnoff, fayrous & when you take her home she sayssorry I’m on my period. -OVERSABI is when you are eating salad with a girl & she says ‘honey, this food no done’. -OLODO is when you are in a plane with a guy & he says ‘honey I’m hot, can you please roll down the glass’ -STINGYNESS is when you finish reading this and you refuse to like & share

America vs Naija

An oyibo kid (white boy) came with his dad to warri as tourist, d oyibo kid decided to show off to akpors n his frnds,the following argument ensued between him n Akpors... OYIBO KID: i got Mc Donalds. AKPORS: we get Mr.Biggs. I got Mtv We get Stv I got mike Tyson We get Bash Ali. I got Elvis Presley. We get fela Anikulapo Kuti. I got T.pain We get Timaya. I got T.I. We get M.I. I got 2pac. We get 2face. I got Beyonce. We get Genevieve. I got Lil Wayne. We get Terry G. I got Jay Z. We get DonJAZZY. I got wizKHALIFA. We get Wizkid. I got Hollywood. We get Nollywood. I got Silicon Valley. We get computer village. I got Las Vegas. We get Lasgidi. I got miami beach. We get Lekki beach. I got Al Paccino. We get Pete Edochie. I got pirates of da caribbean. We get pirates of Aba. I got beauty n d beast. We get Bianca n Ojukwu. I got Mr.Bean. We get Mr.Ibu. I got American Lotto. We get Baba Ijebu. We fear Al Qaeda. We fear Boko Haram. We gat God. We get ma oga@da top....